Courtesy
Politness and patience will serve you well in the United States. This
includes remembering to say "please" and "thank you"
in most circumstances. This common form of respect is not reserved for
those in a position of authority, but for each and every person that you
meet in a store, on the street, in class, or in an office. If you need
a favor or have a simple request, saying "please" will be much
more effective than if you are simply demanding. Provided that you are
kind, the person with whom you are speaking will likely return your kindness.
Friendship
and Friendliness
Americans are generally very friendly people. They will often say, "Hi,
how are you?" or "How is it going?" but do not wait for
you to respond. These are friendly expressions, which are not always a
question but rather another version of "hello." If an American
seems friendly it does not necessarily mean than she/he has developed
a friendship (a close relationship) with you. As is probably true in your
culture, friendships are developed over a period of time. Although Americans
may refer to classmates as friend; often they are acquaintances rather
than true friends. Finding true friends will take time, however, it is
well worth the effort.
Personal
Space
Americans prefer to maintain about 18 inches of space between themselves
and the person with whom they are speaking. This personal space is very
important and, if limited, the individual may become very uncomfortable.
Typically, Americans do not hug or kiss an acquaintance upon greeting
but rather shake hands or nod their heads. They also do not touch while
speaking, although a brief touch on the arm or shoulder might indicate
sympathy or concern to someone they know well.
Privacy
Privacy and personal possessions are important to Americans. People work
hard to have a car, house, clothes and other belongings. Be sure to ask
how someone feels about sharing his or her space and belongings.
Family
The family unit in the U.S. generally includes parents and their children.
The American family is considered very mobile, moving approximately every
five years and changing jobs often. People from other cultures often believe
that Americans have a lack of love and respect for the elderly, who typically
live alone. You will find that many elderly in the U.S. prefer this as
it allows them to maintain their independence. Young adults and married
couple generally do not live with their parents and it is not uncommon
for young professional women to live away from their families in a different
city. American culture encourages and respects personal independence.
Dating
A "date" is simply an agreement to meet at a certain time and
place and to spend some time together. You should not interpret or expect
it to be anything more. It is common that someone you have met only briefly
will ask you on a date. Generally, the male will pay for the date; however,
many (especially students) "go Dutch" where each pays for his
or herself. In the U.S., dating is more casual and informal than in other
cultures. Relationships between men and women of college age range from
friendship to a strong emotion and physical relationship. As your friendships
develop beyond acquaintance, you may not always understand what your partner
expects of you. Be honest regarding your concerns and feelings as this
can avoid misunderstandings and even greater discomfort. If your date
appears interested in a sexual relationship and you are not, it is very
important that you say no clearly. And if someone seems to be saying no
to you, listen. Unwanted sexual attention is a very serious matter in
the U.S. Do not mistake an American's friendliness for promiscuity.
Basic
Etiquette
Due to the friendly nature of most Americans, they are quick to use first
names. Although this may make those who are accustomed to a more formal
social environment somewhat uncomfortable, it is the norm for American
culture. Formal titles (Mr., Ms., Mrs., Fr., Sr., Dr., etc.) are used
together with the person's family name and should be used if you are speaking
with the elderly or someone of authority. They may later ask you to use
their first name.
Punctuality is highly valued in the U.S. and is considered a sign of respect for the person whom you are to meet. Punctuality for private parties and casual events is more flexible; however, always inform the host of a dinner or formal occasion if you will be late or must cancel. Students are expected to be on time for class and appointments with professors.
Many professors and administrators welcome personal interactions with individual students. Students are encouraged to ask questions and express their opinions in the classroom. Observe the American students' actions to identify what is acceptable behavior.
Clothing and dress in the U.S. is usually casual and informal. Formal dress is seldom worn on university campuses. Students typically wear jeans, shorts, skirts, t-shirts, sweatshirts and sweaters. For other occasions, ask the host of the event regarding the appropriate attire.
The formality of meals in the U.S. varies considerably. To be safe, follow the lead of the host and other American guests. Here are some general guidelines:
- It is not polite to pick up the plate from which you are eating.
- Food is generally eaten in small bites.
- Do not slurp soup or beverages.
- Americans generally eat with the same hand with which they cut food by switching their utensils after cutting.
- It is polite to converse during a meal unless you are attending a lecture or a toast is being made.
- Remember to chew with your mouth closed.
- Wait until everybody is seated at the table before you start eating.
Gratuities
or "Tips"
It is customary to leave money, called a "tip", for specific
services performed. In restaurants (except for fast food), a 15-20% tip
is sufficient depending upon the quality of the service. Tips are part
of the servers' salaries and, therefore, are expected. You also may tip
doormen, hairstylists, taxi drivers and others that perform a service.